5 Positive Things - 25 Oct 2010

1. Ryan has a new friend, who seems to be becoming a good friend.  Mason invites Ryan over every so often and has come to our house a few times.  I always assumed this would happen earlier in the elementary years, but Ryan is in the 4th grade.  I am learning that it is really the parents who make things happen, and Ryan just never hooked up with another kid whose parents were the type to make it happen.  And I'm certainly not the type.  But now that I see how happy he is to be with a friend, I will be working on it with his other friends and also helping Luke in that respect.
   
   
2. I am having more and more fun at work.  I was recently asked by my manager if I would like to lead a new Design & Development group he is working on pulling together into his organization.  I accepted the challenge.  I'm scared and excited at the same time.  My BS is in Workforce Education & Development, so I have the background - but I haven't had much of an opportunity to use my design skills in quite awhile.  And when I was using my design skills, it was not true to instructional design.  So I am brushing up in that area, studying our processes, and becoming familiar with stakeholders.
   
   
3. Aaron and I have admitted our communication problems to each other.  We have both owned up to having problems communicating and have made a commitment to discuss things with each other in a non-destructive way.  We have also committed to making more time for ourselves and for us as a family.
   
   
4. I have been feeling really good lately, emotionally.  Between the changes at work, Ryan's more positive attitude, and our commitment to more "couple" and "family" time - I feel like things are finally pulling together.  I've been making a HUGE effort to focus on positives, and I think it is also rubbing off onto Ryan. 
   
   
5. I finally made the oatmeal scotchies Luke and I have been craving.  I made a pan version and they are very yummy.  We had some that were still warm after school.
   

Excited and Scared!

I work in a Learning & Training organizatiion within a VERY large company.  We've been needing a reorganization and cleaning up of RAAs (responsibility, authority, accountability) for a long time.  People who do the same job report to different managers and even are located in different sections of the organization.  It makes it difficult to get agreement on how and what to do in certain situations.  

Well, things are finally going to change.  As a result of the upcoming changes, I will be in more of a leadership role.  Not a manager - which I would not want - but like a team lead. I will be the lead for the Design & Development group.  These are the people who identify learning solutions and the people who either develop the solutions or work with suppliers to get the job done.  I would also hope that this is the group that will own the processes.  Not owing the process has been a major problem in the past.

I'm excited and scared at the same time.  I have not been very motivated about work for the last year or so and my manager finally told me that he sees that.  He shared with me that he thinks I'm a good candidate, but that I would need to be more assertive and MUCH less passive.  I think it is really great that he would trust me with this role, in spite of his reservations.  I think it is what I need to push me in the correct direction and get my working groove back.  And a lot of the changes they're talking about making will resolve problems and remove roadblocks people in this position experienced in the past.

Some Things Have Changed for the Better!

I've been thinking about this for awhile now and thought that it is time to share.  I'm naturally a happy person, but had a long spell of grumpiness that I feel I'm coming out of quite well.  There were several contributing factors.  Motherhood is much harder than I ever dreamed.  I used to cherish my independence, but now I have two kids who need quite a bit of my attention.  I'm not a very patient person, but these kids need more patience than the average kid.  I am learning though.  You'd think almost 10 years into motherhood I'd be pretty patient, but I realize I am naturally an impatient person.

I recently had a hysterectomy because of constant abdominal pain.  I've been mostly pain free since then, but had a bout of pain over the last few days.  This made me realize how much of a contributor the constant pain was to my bad mood.  I was more likely to snap at Aaron or the boys, swear over minor frustrations, etc.

Now for the biggest change, my acceptance of the problems in my life.  Over the past year I've been informed that Luke has ADHD, then was told that it is not ADHD, but Asperger's.  I've also been informed that Ryan has Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD).  And to top it off, I've been dealing with my own anxiety / depression.  I have come to accept these things over the last few months.  I was in denial for a long time about Luke's Asperger's.  I was looking for a cure and now I know that I need to focus my energy on looking for ways to help him function to the best of his ability.  I was also looking for a cure for Ryan, but have switched to helping him learn how to manage his anxiety.  In the process of doing this, our relationship is improving.

Ryan Made My Day!!!

He has been dealing with anxiety / depression for a long time.  He is not confident in himself, tends to be overbearing, and is driven to be the best at everything.  Over the past few weeks it has been really bad.  He wanted me to remove the knives from the dishwasher, for fear he'd intentionally hurt himself.  And then he came right out and claimed that he felt like killing himself.

Woah!  So we've been talking a lot about anxiety and how it makes a person feel.  We are reading together Stress Can Really Get on Your Nerves! by Trevor Romain and Elizabeth Verdick.  We've just begun, but it is clear that Ryan has several anxiety symptoms.  I'm looking forward to getting into the sections that talk about how to manage stress.  I think that both of us could learn better stress management skills.

Now on to the part about how Ryan made my day.  Yesterday he wrote me a letter.  He said that I am his hero because I'm always so helpful and nice.  He also feels that I'm helping him deal with his depression.  That is very important to me.  I do not want to dismiss his feelings, or invalidate them.  They are his feelings and he has a right to them.  When he needs help dealing with his feelings, it is my job to help him find resources.

Bicycle Ride with Luke

I replaced my old Trek hybrid with a new model, the Trek 7100.  Bikes have come a LONG way since the early 90's.  I never really liked my old Trek, so didn't ride it much.  My new bike is very adjustable, so I have it adjusted so I'm sitting up pretty straight.  It has a nice seat.  My old bike had a bar running across like a men's bike, but not my new one.  I just step right thru.

Here in Missouri, we have a very nice and very long hiking / biking trail, the Katy Trail.  I've been considering riding the trail for a long time, but wanted to wait until both kids gave up training wheels.  Luke just gave his up a few weeks ago.  We've ridden the trail a few times, mostly me, Luke, and Ryan.  So far we haven't made it out of St. Charles county.  Most of the area we've ridden in is wooded with the river on one side and cliffs on the other side.  Beautiful.

Here are some pictures of a ride me and Luke took.  This stretch starts near Weldon Conservation area and goes towards St. Charles.  We never make it very far when Luke is along, since his bike is small and he's still pretty new at riding.  On this trip, we went about 5 miles.


My goal is to eventually take them across a bike path attached to a highway bridge.  The bike path lanes are completely separate from the bridge traffic.  The bridge is over the Missouri river, providing a beautiful view.  It goes between St. Charles and St. Louis county, into a park on the St. Louis side.  Just need to get them acclimated, since they'll both be a little nervous about the highway noise.

The Shoes of a Sensory Seeker

My son Luke is a sensory seeker.  That means that most sensations he LOVES and will seek out eagerly - often to a much larger degree than others.  He loves dirty play, bear hugs, and anything that provides extra sensation.  He's usually the kid you see going a bit too far.

He is also rough on clothes and shoes.  Jeans usually have worn knees, shirts have stains and stretched necks.  Shoes look worn after a short period of time.  Here is an example of his last pair of shoes, that we just replaced.  They were already getting worn out, but he finished them off yesterday while at school.  There were plenty of puddles for him to play in.  His shoes were soaked, socks soaked, and this shoe was flapping in the wind.  And he loved it.  Instead of complaining that his shoe was broken, he made a game out of it, flipping the toe part of the sole back under his foot as he walked, actually making it worse!!!

What a Mom of an Aspie Suffers

I'm really trying to focus on the positive, but I have a hard time with that.  My parents visited this weekend and Luke really gave them a show of his bad side.  We tried to go to the Art museum, but were only there for about an hour before we ended up leaving because Luke just couldn't take it any longer.  

My dad has a pace maker, so can't be too active.  So I decided we could go fishing the next day.  Bad idea.  Luke kept getting his line tangled and Grampa had to undo it.  Then Luke kept getting frustrated and leaving his pole.  Then it was too hot and he was thirsty.  Then he wanted to go home NOW.  Well, we finally decided to call it a day because it was pretty hot.  We stopped at a gas station to get cool drinks.  Me and my dad went in, my mom and the boys stayed in the van.  While we were in the store, Luke got uppity with Gramma and actually hit her a few times.  Wow - Gramma hit back!!!  And then he insisted that Gramma say sorry first.

Today we had to get new shoes for Luke and Ryan was along.  It is always harder when they're both with me, because they get on each others nerves.  Well, that would have been better than what actually happened.  Luke ran around the store making everyone think I'm such a loser mother.  Then we tried to go to the store to get some frozen pizza for tonight.  Luke wouldn't get out of the van.  I took away electronics for the rest of the day and things went downhill from there.  He lost electronics for 2 weeks for several bad decisions: throwing socks at me, shoes, headphones (that hurt), purse, and garbage.

And then he wanted me to say sorry to him for hurting his feelings.  Uggghhh.

5 Positive Things 17 Aug 2010

1. Luke has earned a good behavior stamp several school days in a row.  He is very impulsive / hyper - so this is quite an accomplishment for him.
   
   
2. Luke has had a dry bed in the morning for 3+ weeks.  He went for a long spell with a dry bed several months ago, but then slipped pretty bad for a couple of months.  I was about to buy a bed wetting alarm when I realized that the good ones cost a mini fortune.  I woke him up at night for several nights and that seemed to get him back on track.  Since that dry spell, he's only had 2 accidents.
   
   
3. Luke got accepted into a social skills program at school.  I don't know a lot about it, but am happy that he'll get some extra help in that area.  I will be learning more about it on Friday.  I am hoping that he'll learn more about how to tell if someone is happy with the way he is acting - such as being too silly or too rambunctious.  Time will tell!
   
   
4. Ryan's mood has been pretty good since we worked out a problem he was having with his teacher.  He'll probably never really like school, but the past week or so he's been more accepting of having to go.
   
   
5. I finally got a hair cut that I really like.  My hair is wavy, which makes many styles difficult without a lot of work.  I don't have the time nor patience to work on it for long - not to mention the lack of skill for styling my own hair.  Although I don't really like my new stylist's personality (judgmental and preachy), I really like what she does for my hair.

A Kindle Accessory Dissapointment

In my most recent 5 Positive Things post, I mentioned that I ordered the M-Edge e-Luminator 2 lamp the red M-Edge Platform case.  Well, neither item is going to work for me.  The lamp is very dim and not easy to adjust so that it shines on the screen.

The case was a nice color and looked like a quality case.  But the main reason I bought the case was so that I could store the lamp in it.  It adds extra bulk along the left side of the case.  Not only that, but the lamp did not fit well in the case.  And lastly, I did not like the strap closure.  It is awkward to close and would be impossible to close in a hurry - for example, when your name is called in the doctor's waiting room.

Another lamp I considered was the Mighty Bright and I ordered it today.  Several reviewers of the M-Edge lamp said that they have used the Mighty Bright and liked it better.  The only drawback is portability.

Since I'm also returning the case, I ordered a different style of M-Edge case, the Flip Jacket.  I like this style of case because it is easy to prop for hands free reading.  It also does not have the extra bulk of many of the other M-Edge cases.  Instead of a strap that inserts into a closure, it has an elastic strap that wraps around the bottom portion of the case.  Hopefully it is easy to use and secure.

5 Positive Things 3 Aug 2010

1. My husband is safe.  He is a motorcycle enthusiast and meets up with friends from around the country in Deals Gap, NC.  There is a famous stretch of road called Tail of the Dragon.  Most of the guys he only knows casually, from talking online and meeting up from time to time.  This year one of the guys was riding alone, left the road off a cliff, and was found dead a little over 24 hours later.  It really hits home, that it could have been my husband.  So glad he's safe!
   
   
   
2. This didn't actually happen today, but over the weekend.  I've been considering buying a reading lamp for my Kindle.  I picked the M-Edge e-Luminator 2.  Most of their cases have a slot that the lamp fits into, so I picked the red M-Edge Platform case.  My current case is the Tuff Luv and it is a good case.  But I wanted to be able to easily carry my lamp, hence a new case.  Since more of the Kindle will show up in the new case, I also ordered a Decal Girl decal that would go quite well with the new cover.  I can't wait until they get here.  Kindle makeover!!!
   
    
3. Work is going well.  I've been in a slump for a few years, with not enough to do.  It has been difficult and really affecting my confidence and mood.  Now I'm getting more responsibility, more leadership, and hopefully more recognition.  You can see my Changing Role at Work post for more detail.
   
   
   
4. The boys got along pretty good at supper time last night.  Ryan has been worrying about a problem with his teacher, so has not been in a good mood lately.  So I made chicken and let him dip in hot wing sauce, his favorite.  They joked around with each other and I think that it really cheered him up.  He was his usual chatterbox self the rest of the night.
   
   
   
5. The boys behaved very good at the grocery store.  Going to a grocery store is very risky business when both of them are along.  Ryan abhors grocery stores and is immediately in a bad mood most times.  Luke is fine with the idea of going, but he can't hold still or walk like a normal person.  He skip walks and dances around, sometimes too close to Ryan.  This time it went quite well.  Luke still did his usual dancing around, but Ryan handled it well by just trying to stay out of his way.

Changing Role at Work

I have typically been the low girl on the totem pole at work, getting menial jobs and few opportunities for growth.  That has gradually been changing over the last few months.  My current manager recognizes that some team members are overloaded while others don't have quite enough.  I've always fallen into the category of not having enough, even though I try to support the ones who have too much.  The changes that our manager is making currently will make it easier on all of us.  People were reluctant to share work because they felt responsible and didn't want to burden those of us who did not have enough.  Those of us who did not have enough were constantly feeling undervalued and as if we were not contributing.

I am pretty excited about some of the things I will be involved with.  I will be leading our team in identifying work statement and impact items in order to maintain a balanced workload.  Of course the manager is ultimately responsible, but I will help him facilitate.  One of my main functions is developing web based training.  Typically another team member handles all of the coordination of our projects.  This places a heavy load on her, along with all of her other responsibilities.  I will be transitioning into leading more of these development projects.

I had been considering looking for another job, but these changes will make my current job much more rewarding.

5 Positive Things W/E 7/31/10

1. Luke is improving greatly in his reading.  He got into trouble Thursday and lost his favorite game through Saturday.  Saturday I told him that he could earn some game time back by reading and practicing writing.  I picked a book that we haven't read before.  He did very good and only needed help on words that I didn't expect him to know.
   
   
2. The boys got along good over the weekend, even though Ryan was in a terrible mood Saturday.  When one of them is in a terrible mood, tempers flair and fights are more intense.  Ryan did an excellent job of staying away from Luke while in that mood.
   
   

3. Ryan slept really good Saturday night.  Many of you may not think this is a big deal, but it really is.  He's had difficulty sleeping good for more than a year now.  His pediatrician recommended we try melatonin.  I've read about it before, but when I was re-reading information I got concerned that we've been relying on too much melatonin, too often.  Last night I adjusted it down a bit and he was really worried he wouldn't be able to sleep.  He was sleepy within minutes and slept past 8 AM.  I asked him how he slept and he reported that he thinks it really was a good idea to cut back.  Now we'll need to cut back even further in a few days.
   
   
4. Ryan was in a really good mood on Sunday.  He had a rough day Saturday, was in a bad mood and teary eyed all day.  It was one of those days that he thought everyone hates him and everything was gloom & doom.  I think he even told me he felt like it was the end of the world.  After having such a good sleep Saturday night, he was in a really good mood Sunday.
   
   
5. We ate at our favorite pizza place and used a $15 coupon.  Wow - cheapest we've ever eaten there!

5 Positive Things 29 Jul 2010

In an effort to focus more on the positive, I plan to post positive happenings in my day periodically.

1. Luke got out of the van for school today, even though he didn't want to.  No one had to drag him out, we just had to gently coax him.  And by the time we were done (me and his special ed teacher), he was smiling and walked into the building on his own (with her trailing him to be sure he made it to his room).
   
   
2. I took a shower.  To most people that will not sound like a big deal.  I have two things working against me taking a shower most days.  #1 - I work from home and don't have the motivation for being very clean that being around other people provides.  #2 - my motivation has been very low for awhile now, especially concerning daily grooming.  I am improving in this area, but have had a set-back over the last week or so.
   
   
3. Because I showered, I was able to finish epilating my legs (best results are obtained after a shower / exfoliating).  I hate to shave, so I use an epilator.  It is a little machine that rips the hairs out, like plucking.  But it is much quicker.  The results are smooth legs for about 4 weeks, maybe more for people with fine, light hair.  It can be uncomfortable, possibly painful the first time or if the hairs are too long.  So it takes me about 3 to 5 sessions over a span of a week to do this.
   
   
4. Ryan was in a good mood most of the day.  He was having a problem hearing his teacher at school.  He's usually pretty nervous about teachers, but he handled the problem very well.  He told her about it and they came to a solution that he felt good about.  I'm very proud of him for that.
   
   
5. Luke is showing HUGE signs of improvement in his reading skills.  He is supposed to bring a book home from school every day, but forgot it yesterday.  The books are ones he has seen several times with VERY obvious picture clues.  So he either has them memorized or can figure it out pretty easily by looking at the pictures.  When he forgets his school book, we pick one of our own.  I told him that he could be my assistant reader and he really bought into that idea.  I would point to a lot of the words I thought he knew, but he was reading even more of the words than I intended.  And a few of them I would never have guessed that he already knew.

That's it for now.  Stay tuned for the next edition of 5 Positive Things!

Introductions

Hello, my name is Eilene.  I wanted to begin sharing the joys and sorrows of family life with Asperger's and mood disorders.  I am one of the ones suffering from a mood disorder and tend to focus on the negative.  This is going to help me to see more of the positive in my life.  Unfortunately, there is a lot of stress when dealing with these problems, so some of my posts will be related to stress.

Let me start with myself, since I'm the blog author.  I am a 40-something full-time working mom & wife.  My main role at work is to develop web-based training, a variety of topics.  I work for a major corporation in manufacturing, but will never say the name of the company.  My job role will be changing for the remainder of this year.  I will still be developing training that needs to stay in-house (privacy data and such), but will be evolving into more of a leadership role.  I will be working more with internal customers who need web-based training.  I'm looking forward to that, but a little nervous.

I have a few hobbies, but I find it hard to stick with them for long periods of time.  I like genealogy and have expanded much of the information that I got from my mother and mother-in-law.  One of the genealogical related projects I finished a few years ago was very interesting.  I was able to find the link in my mom's and dad's Swedish ancestry and research the Swedish church records.  Unfortunately my dad's ancestors came from a parish that didn't start keeping records until late in the game.

I love to read.  I read a lot of fantasy for pure enjoyment.  I also read a lot on psychological disorders, since we have that problem in our family.  I received a Kindle for my birthday last year and I read even more since then.  It is so easy to just bring it with me and read away.

Now on to my family.  I've been married to Aaron for nearly 17 years.  He's a great guy and I figure I will be done training him when we're in our 70's!  His big interests are guns and motorcycles, so I may be mentioning those periodically, especially if I'm involved in one of his activities.

I have two boys.  Ryan is 9 and in 4th grade.  He is a very intelligent youngster.  He loves to read and excels in that subject at school.  He does very well with other subjects too.  He is caring and loves to help people.  Although he doesn't have a diagnosis, I've come to the conclusion that he has tendencies towards ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) and a few characteristics of Asperger's.  This makes it hard for him to make friends.  I think he probably has more friends than he believes, but sometimes he feels like no one likes him.

Luke is 6 and in 1st grade.  He is our little comedian.  He is usually pretty happy and always trying to get people to laugh.  He's affectionate and loves BIG hugs.  He is my Asperger's guy.  This will probably be the subject of many of my posts.  Asperger's is a very high-functioning form of Autism.  He has difficulty reading social cues.  Has no concept of personal space, unless it is HIS personal space.  He struggles in communication arts at school, so has an IEP (individual education plan).  He also struggles with social aspects of school, enough to where they are looking into social programs for him.

We also have a dog named Max and a cat named Angel.  Angel is a sweet old girl.  You probably won't be hearing much about her, since she's pretty laid back.  Max is a high strung Louisiana Catahoula.  That is a popular dog down south and is a herding dog. 

That's it for now!